4.00 AM and still in the office...

Don't be fooled with the title. It's not that I went to the office at 4 AM, it's more like I'm still in the office at 4.00 AM (yes, since the day before). Now, after shocked by the fact that I spent more than 20 hours in the office, the next question that came through your mind is "what the hell are you doing???" (who says mind reading is difficult??). Well, one of the responsibility of my new job is to make sure that the annual report of the company is finished on time, printed on time, and delivered to us on time. It's a compliance thing for a publicly listed company. But still, why must until 4.00 AM? Well, here's the thing... The printing company that we chose to work on the Annual Report is located in Singapore and this company is a living prove that not all Singaporeans are professionals! The revision that I made and the draft that they prepared has been going back and forth for I don't know how many times (lost count of it). Told them to do this, and they didn't do it. Told them to do that, and they got it the wrong way. The whole blog will never be enough for me to tell you about all their incompetent conducts.

But here I am now, 4.15 AM at my desk, in front of the monitor, and waiting. I've lost all the energy for anger (used to have the urge to unleash a shooting rampage in their office in Singapore) and finally accepted the situation. My Boss, who is a good man, left the office quite early yesterday (yes, yesterday at 6.00 PM) for an urgent meeting. But he sent me messages through YM, saying that thousands of people will be reading this report and mistakes are not acceptable by these investors. "It's part of the job, and we just have to do it." he said, and though it sound cruel, he was basically telling the truth. I couldn't reply to him and say "Don't worry there will be no mistake!". All I said was "Yes Sir, I'll double check the whole documents again.". I couldn't promise him, knowing that checking word by word, numbers after numbers, and page after page is not my best expertise. I've never been good in details, but now I'm in a situation where I have no other choice. I can't say no, not because I don't have the rights to do so, but because I can't utilize my disability anymore for excuses.

I can't keep on hiding behind my confession of not being good with details. It would be like saying to your boss "sorry, I can't do it because this is just not what I do best.". I've done that in the past, being "honest" about my disability and hopefully people will just understand it because they don't want to take the risk of letting someone, like me, that "honestly confess" to handle the job with possibility of messing it all. Disability is not an excuse... disability is a challenge. It's not something that is suppose to hold you back, it's something you need to break away from. From the way I see it, in an extreme way perhaps, disability is very potential to be your comfort zone. What I'm doing now, until 4 AM is trying to break away my disability in details and emotion. I'm not doing this just for the deadline, it's about breaking away from my comfort zone!

In the end, I didn't tell my boss not to worry and everything will be fine. All I said to him is I'll do my best. By the end of the day, that is all I can do, do it my best..

And still waiting for the final draft of teh Annual Report of course...